@odonnellweb.com’s recent post about about needing new friends certainly struck a few chords. He and I have shared many life experience (getting married in early our 20’s, I work from home, we moved away from friends and family in 2017, my wife and I are best friends and we go out together regularly—even hiking and taking frequent trips in our camper). Jena and I never had children, but as Chris points out—and as I have suspected—many of those parents-of-my-kids-friendships aren’t especially durable.

I’ve been lucky to have had several really close friendships in my life, and further thankful that some of these friends are still close (even if not geographically). But I think these friendships are a double-edged sword when trying to make new (local) friends. They are the benchmarks to whom I compare all potential new friends. It is unrealistic that this works out favorably for them. I’ve had nearly 30 years to get know and be known by these guys. We’ve had thousands of shared experiences, coded language, and are at ease with each other in a way that people an be when they take for granted (in the good ways) that they will remain in each other’s lives no matter what happens. These friendships are built to last, span across multiple domains and interests, and can withstand disagreements and arguments.

In my current community, I encounter people who:

1. Come from diverse backgrounds (i.e., not everyone grew up in Minnesota or works in software).
2. Hold different political ideologies.
3. Might already feel their friend groups are full.
4. Don’t share a wide range of my interests.

Expecting two or more of these criteria to align perfectly is probably unrealistic—and perhaps not even desirable in all cases (especially points 1 and 2), even if alignment makes things easier initially.

I’m starting to believe that sharing just one or two interests with potential new friends is enough. Doing those shared activities—rafting, concerts, comedy shows, hiking, biking—can create genuine connections. Over time, these experiences can grow into friendships that don’t feel like work.

@jthingelstad’s Weekly Thing pointed me toward this topic with links to both O’Donnell’s post and Noah Smith’s post on How to have friends past age 30 which added more helpful perspectives.

I know I am only a few days into my micro.blog journey but the whole thing—from the tools to the community—feels very retro in the best possible ways. There are certainly things I have become accustomed to on other platforms—embeds/unfurling chief among them—but if I can relax and understand that many of those things don’t matter, I can find a lot to like here.

There is such a great community. Feels so insular and elite but in the best possible ways—like the early web did. Not like we are better than anyone, but that we found this secret place that is filled cool stuff. Like we are part of a community of people who care about the same core stuff but aren’t at all homogenous—we’re all bringing something to the table.

Combine this with the recent spirit of building that some AI tools have resurfaced in me, and I feel like I’m in a new renascence on the web. Excited.